Rebounding with a broken tandem

Let me set the scene: you’re me. You’re the kind of person who has this polyamory joke as one of her Tinder pictures:

For screen readers or if the image breaks, it’s a picture of a bike with the caption “My bicycle is my primary partner.” It’s funny because I spend more time with my bike between my legs than anyone or anything else.

Heh.

So, anyway, you’re me. You’re on tinder. You match with someone who checks all your boxes: smart, funny, athletic, polyamorous, the works. Things are going well until they pull the classic “we’re better off as friends” line.

Oof. Gut punch.

So, naturally, now you need a rebound. Except, instead of finding a one-night-stand on Tinder, you impulsively buy a tandem bicycle. A broken tandem bicycle. I’m sure there’s some symbolism here about desperate rebounds being broken. I’ll also point out that a tandem bicycle needs a second rider, which is also probably some sort of metaphor about polyamory

Anyway, I patched her up and gave her a bath and now I just need to name her and find someone who will ride her with me. Which I guess will send me back to tinder.